Hope

e19_HopeDefinition

Hope.

The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

To believe

Desire

To place trust

Rely

I have hope!

As Kyle and I have been struggling to start a family so many times I feel as though there is no hope. For the first year I was so hopeful each month. I would calculate what month the baby would be born in. I would think about new born photos for that season of the year. But each month I was disappointed and some of that hope would fall away. When we first spoke with a doctor about our struggle to conceive they restored my hope. I began to take medicine and each month I was hopeful again. After Kyle’s test results came in that we were all good and I was excited to take my medicine and try again each month. But after several months of trying that hope would diminish again. This month we decided to run another test on my body to make sure that I could conceive physically. I was nervous. What if something is blocking the way? What if I need surgery? What if I cannot conceive? What if?

I am here. I still love you. I sent my son for you.

God reminded me of how blessed I am to have Him, be loved by Him, and have a Savior in His son. Those fleshly questions became quiet and hope was filled again. This time my hope came from God. Not me. Not my doctor. God.

As I was reading on Saturday morning God gave me this:

Romans 12 12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

I must praise God and thank Him for the hope he continues to fill me with. I cannot help but in this month of Easter celebrations sing Forever by Kari Jobe. Let it play in the background and think about what it says!

Jesus came! He died to save me and you! We have HOPE in Him! I must rejoice in that hope. Not only must I rejoice in hope, but I must be patient in tribulation. There are days when I don’t feel like I am in a tribulation. But then other days I am so buried in suffering and trouble I almost cannot look at a child without crying for one. On these days I praise God for the joy of children in my life. I am blessed to teach 42 students this year! I love them as if they are my own and the joy in their eyes fills me with hope again. While I wait on God I will draw near to Him. I will cling to His word. I will pray with hope! This prayer is constant. The best thing about these prayers is that I am not alone in them. Since we have started to tell family and friends about our struggles I have had women on their knees in prayer for me and my future family and I thank each of you. I know God hears our prayers and I feel them in my life!

Romans 15 13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing; so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

God’s hope is what is bringing me joy and peace. His Holy Spirit is filling me with hope. So as Kyle and I drove to the doctor this morning we prayed and hoped in God. As I waited on the doctor today, alone in the examining room I prayed and hoped in God. As the Holy Spirit filled that room today I was full of hope, joy, and peace. God was with me. I wasn’t alone. Family and friends were praying for me. I wasn’t alone.

The doctor GOD confirmed that I am a healthy woman. The doctor GOD confirmed that I am able to conceive. The doctor GOD confirmed that there is hope. So for now, we will rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer, and allow our hope to come from the Lord that it may bring me joy and peace.

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2 thoughts on “Hope

  1. What a wonderful article and share from your heart. Remembering Hannah, just wait. Stress of teaching and being a Pastor’s wife can just clog you up. I’ve heard that going on a week cruise creates wonderful children! LOL I’m not making light of your situation, just trying to get you to laugh and remember your purpose and mission. Luke 18:27

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